Father Knows Best Till Kids Join His Trade

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I remember the exact moment when, in our work together, my daughter Jessica stopped being my daughter and became my co-author.

It had been her idea for me to write "A Woman's Guide to Successful Negotiating: How to Convince, Collaborate and Create Your Way to Agreement." Her idea was to have a negotiating book written from both a male and a female perspective, although Jessica never suggested she be the one to write it with me.

Naturally, though, I turned to her to be my co-author, not only because she is a gifted negotiator and a successful businesswoman, but also because, after all, the book was her idea.

We agreed to each draft certain chapters and then critique each other's work. The way this was supposed to work was that we would discuss the proposed changes until we were both satisfied with the result. Initially this process did not go well because, whenever we disagreed, I reverted to the "father role" and exerted my "right" to have the final say.

She called me about a week after I sent her the first draft of a chapter titled "Negotiating with Your Spouse or Boyfriend." Her response was both unequivocal and totally unexpected. She said, "Dad, you are a genius when it comes to business negotiations but you really do not have a clue when it comes to relationships. Let me take a crack at writing the first draft for this chapter."

A few weeks later, when I received her draft, it was completely different from what I had written and, frankly, much better. From that point forward, whenever we disagreed, I took her views much more seriously.

Working with your children can be rewarding for everyone involved, but it also can be difficult. Vinnie Brand, the owner of the Stress Factory Comedy Club in New Brunswick has had all three of his children work with him at one time or another. He warns sometimes a child who works in a family business brings with them a sense of entitlement. They come in late, they do not do their job and generally act as if they can do whatever they want because they are the owner's son or daughter. That attitude can really hurt a business because the other employees quickly come to resent it.

Peter and Mathew Glazier are a father and son team that runs the Glazier Group, a company that owns and operates a chain of upscale restaurants, including the Strip House in Livingston. Before Peter allowed his son to join the family business, he insisted Mathew "spend some time working elsewhere." That way he "would be able to make an intelligent decision about his future."

Mathew, who became a lawyer and practiced law for several years before joining his father, agrees with his dad's advice: "Working outside the family business allows children to see how things are done elsewhere and enables them to come into the business with some real world experience that can add value to the company."

Everyone I spoke with on this topic, though, seems to agree the secret to parents and children successfully working together ultimately boils down to mutual respect. It is important for children to respect that their father or mother created a successful business using methods that worked, even if they are not currently considered the best practices. For the same reason, parents have to accept that things will change when their children join the company.

Even when you come to respect your children as business colleagues and deal with them as equals, they never stop being your children. Although my daughter is an exceptional negotiator, I do not think it was her extraordinary negotiating ability that enabled her to persuade me to give her 75 percent of the book advance.

She simply reminded me she had just started a new job in a new city and she needed the money for her new house -- a negotiating tactic that would only work for a business colleague that happened to be your father.

A veteran human resources executive, Lee E. Miller is the author of "UP: Influence Power and the U Perspective -- The Art of Getting What You Want," and the co-founder of YourCareerDoctors.com, a Web site devoted to career success. Mail questions to Lee@YourCareerDoctors.com.

Cosmetic Surgery's Handsome Rewards

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Can cosmetic surgery get you that raise you're looking for?

Maybe, says a study coming out of the University of Texas.

Men and women "with below-average looks" suffer "a pay penalty," while those with better-than-average looks receive "a pay premium," according to a University of Texas study. After considering other variables, such as education and experience, the study found someone with below-average looks earned 9 percent less, and a better-than-average looking person earned 5 percent more than an individual with average looks.

Gordon Patzer, a professor at Roosevelt University who has studied the "physical attractiveness phenomenon" for more than 30 years and is the author of "Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined," says "better-looking people not only earn more, they are also more likely to be hired and to be promoted."

More and more people seem to be acting on their belief improving their appearance will boost their careers. What many of them are doing goes well beyond just dressing for success. Since 2000, there has been a 27 percent increase in surgical and non-surgical cosmetic procedures, with a large portion of that increase attributable to men. And, according to a 2007 survey by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, two-thirds of the men and women surveyed gave as their primary reason for seeking cosmetic surgery "remaining competitive in the workplace."

Daniel Brock, a studio engineer with a recording studio in Jersey City, opted for hair transplant surgery because he felt his premature hair loss was affecting his business. After a successful procedure, he found he was better able to relate to the younger musicians who are the mainstay of his business. He said he not only attracted a younger clientele, but, overall, his business has increased 35 percent since the surgery.

Much of the business benefit of cosmetic procedures appears to be psychological. The common refrain from the people I spoke with who had cosmetic surgery, was that they felt more confident and energetic after the procedure. Dr. Antonio Armani, the cosmetic surgeon who did Brock's hair transplant, said one of the reasons his patients often experience increased career success after surgery is "when they look better, they have more self-confidence."

That self-assurance enables them to perform better. Some experts think attitudinal transformation is more significant than the effects of the actual physical changes in advancing an individual's career.

In addition to the psychological effect on the individual undergoing the surgery, Patzer notes, "People do, in fact, treat other people differently based on their physical attractiveness."

Individuals are more likely to believe what people who are better looking say, and are also more willing to help them. Consequently, being more attractive can result in someone being more productive, Patzer says.

Cosmetic surgery, however, is not a panacea for whatever ails someone's career. In addition to the medical risks associated with any surgery, undergoing cosmetic procedures can be expensive and does not guarantee career success. Moreover, when people are aware you have undergone cosmetic surgery, your career may not fully benefit from the so called "beauty premium."

Patzer suggests while we value good looks in people, "We don't expect them to have to put effort into it." When someone improves their appearance through cosmetic surgery, "others tend to discount the value of those improvements." Moreover, sometimes the results of the surgery are not what were initially hoped for.

Whether cosmetic surgery is a better career investment than a new wardrobe, a good haircut or additional training remains to be seen. History is replete with people of only average looks who have achieved great things. Notably absent from the list of Nobel Prize winners and the Fortune list of the world's richest people are any supermodels.

A veteran human resources executive, Lee E. Miller is the author of "UP: Influence Power and the U Perspective -- The Art of Getting What You Want," and the co-founder of YourCareerDoctors.com, a Website devoted to career success. Mail questions to Lee@YourCareerDoctors.com.