Make Yourself a Perfect Match

Sunday, April 06, 2008

When I was a young associate at a law firm, one of the pleasant tasks assigned to us was taking law students who were interviewing for jobs out to lunch. This was an opportunity for the firm to have the candidate's contemporaries sell them on the virtues of why they should come to work there.

On one occasion, several of us were out to lunch with a particularly impressive candidate. He had graduated from Princeton University and Yale Law School. He was smart, articulate and good looking, had excellent experience and seemed like he would fit in at the firm. His round of morning interviews had gone extremely well and our job was to convince him to join the firm.

Lunch started out uneventful. We talked about sports, law school and life at the firm. We ordered our lunch and several carafes of wine. The conversation was quite animated.

While we were eating and talking, the candidate reached for something to drink. Instead of his wine glass, he picked up a carafe and took a sip from it.

I don't remember much else about the lunch, but within 10 minutes of our returning to the office, everyone was talking about the "candidate who drank wine from the carafe."

While I am sure this outstanding law student had no trouble finding a job, he wasn't offered one by my firm. This incident highlights the importance interviewing plays in the hiring process. One little mistake can cost you a great opportunity.

No matter how talented you are, your accomplishments do not sell themselves. Knowing how to interview makes all the difference in the world between getting the job you want and getting a letter thanking you for your interest. The good news is interviewing is a skill that can be learned.

Effective interviewing starts with having the right mindset. It requires an understanding of how employers think and what they are looking for when they interview. To be successful, you have to do more than merely convince the interviewer you are a good candidate for the job.

Everyone who actually gets an interview probably is a good candidate for the job. Your goal is to convince the interviewer that you, with your work history are the "perfect match" for the specific job they are trying to fill. To accomplish that during your interview, requires not only a positive attitude and enthusiasm for the job, but also an in-depth knowledge of the organization, your prospective boss and the challenges they face.

That will enable you to emphasize those skills and experience that you bring which will be of particular interest to the employer. Here are some interviewing do's and don'ts that will enable you to stand out from all of the other candidates being considered for the job:

DO

Prepare by finding out everything you can about the company, the job and your interviewer(s).

Ask knowledgeable questions.

Listen carefully and be responsive to the interviewer's interests.

Focus on accomplishments not responsibilities. Emphasize those that are most relevant to the job.

Make friends with the secretaries and assistants involved in the hiring process. They are an excellent source of information and assistance.

Be positive and enthusiastic at all times.

When you finish interviews demonstrate your enthusiasm by asking for the job.

DON'T

Don't ever say anything negative about a prior employer, even if it is true.

Don't interrupt the interviewer.

Don't discuss politics or religion

Don't be too deferential to the interviewer. Ask questions; take thoughtful positions and support them in a firm but respectful manner.

Don't talk about salary. If you must, talk about it as little as possible until you get an offer.

The interview is often described as the most critical aspect of the hiring process. It is your best chance to gain an advocate for being hired. Winning over the people who are interviewing you requires understanding what is important to them.

Although you are the same person with the same skills, experience and accomplishments regardless of who is interviewing you, what you chose to emphasize is up to you. So focus on what is most important to each person that interviews you.

A veteran human resources executive, Lee E. Miller is the author of "UP: Influence Power and the U Perspective -- The Art of Getting What You Want." He is also the co-founder of YourCareerDoctors.com, a website devoted to career success. Mail questions to Lee@YourCareerDoctors.com.

Read It and Weep: No Tears At Work

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Does Hillary Clinton's recent teary-eyed performance in New Hampshire send the wrong message to working women: that it's acceptable to cry at work?

For years, women have been told to avoid displays of emotion at the office for fear of looking weak. While crying in the workplace may be equally damaging to a man's rise in the business world, the issue is of greater importance to women because "women cry four times as often as men do," according to William Frey II, a biochemist doing research at the St. Paul-Ramsey Medical Center and author of "Crying: The Mystery of Tears" (Winston PR, 1985).

The disparity in frequency arises not just because boys are conditioned while growing up not to cry, but also as a result of physical differences between men and women, Frey says. The "tear glands of men and women develop differently, resulting in a greater propensity for women to shed tears."

I asked several workplace experts if the Clinton episode made it acceptable to cry at work. The response was an unequivocal "No." Here is a sampling of the responses I received:

"It is simply not acceptable to cry at work, except perhaps if someone has passed away," says Colleen Rickenbacher, business etiquette expert and author of "Be on Your Best Business Behavior: How to Avoid Social And Professional Faux Pas" (Brown Books, $11.45).

"In this instance, Hillary Clinton's show of emotions worked in her favor, but that's politics, not the workplace," says Susan Shapiro Barash, a native of Beach Haven Park, who teaches gender studies at Sarah Lawrence College and is the author of "Tripping the Prom Queen: The Truth About Women and Rivalry" (Reed Business Information, $13.95).

"Never cry at work. It will not be forgotten the next time you are being considered for a promotion," says Jean Otte, who lives in Little Silver and is chief executive of Women Unlimited, a national organization dedicated to developing women as business leaders.

While turning on the tears may momentarily help you out of a difficult situation, it can have detrimental long-term consequences, as Christie Whitman, a personal empowerment coach in Philadelphia, learned when she was employed at Pepsi. (Whitman is no relation to the former New Jersey governor.)

Whitman said she worked for a difficult boss who assigned her near-impossible tasks and belittled her when she made even the smallest mistakes. One day, she "couldn't take it any more," and started to cry. Her boss immediately backed off and ceased being so tough on her.

His changed behavior, however, came at a heavy price. She said he shared the incident with her male co-workers, who, from that day forward, demeaned her and constantly made jokes about her crying. She wasn't able to overcome the loss of credibility until a new manager took over and dealt with the situation.

Crying continues to be viewed by most managers as a sign of weakness and lack of self-control. Although research suggests the only way to prevent crying on the job is through conditioning yourself not to do so over a long period of time, you can reduce the emotional triggers creating the urge to cry.

If you expect a situation is likely to become emotional and are prepared to respond, you are less likely to react emotionally. You can also reduce the likelihood of shedding tears by changing the topic, thinking about something else or by distancing yourself from your feelings. If you can't stop yourself from crying, though, don't do it in front of anyone. Don't just leave the room; leave the building.

Although much has changed in the workplace, crying continues to be a career-limiting move that has the potential to damage future prospects. To paraphrase the baseball coach portrayed by Tom Hanks in "A League of Their Own:" "There is no crying in business."

For those hoping Clinton's crying in New Hampshire had ushered in a new era of authentic leadership, where women are freer to show emotions at work, consider this: Her behavior, Frey says, was "typical of how a man, conditioned to hide his emotions, would react. Rather than tears running down her cheeks, Clinton's eyes moistened, her voice choked up and then she quickly regained her composure and got back to business."

A veteran human resources executive, Lee E. Miller is the author of "UP: Influence Power and the U Perspective -- The Art of Getting What You Want," and the co-founder of YourCareerDoctors.com, a Web site devoted to career success. Mail questions to Lee@

YourCareerDoctors.com.